I Don’t Love Him Anymore
By Michelle Alvarez
Several years ago, I found myself in a bad season. I was struggling in my marriage and frustrated with life. A dark cloud shadowed my heart.
And I no longer felt anything for my husband. A constant thought in my mind terrified me: I don’t love him anymore.
My mind wandered down some dark trails. Would I be happier with someone else? … I knew we’d end up this way.
Should we even stay together?
I’m married to a man in full-time ministry. I work part time for our church, and we speak at marriage conferences. Talk about feeling like a hypocrite!
But over the years, I’ve found relationships are a lot like the seasons. They change.
We enter our marriages in springtime—everything fresh, green, blooming. Then reality and life bring on the other seasons.
All marriages experience it. The challenging part is learning how to get through the chilly seasons. And it isn’t as easy as booking a beach vacation.
Love is so much more than a feeling. It’s a promise, a vow, and a covenant.
If you’re thinking what I thought—I don’t love him anymore—you’re not alone. There’s hope! Here are some practical ways to move forward:
Tell your spouse how you are feeling. Make sure to include what you want to feel!
Discuss what you believe has caused this disconnect—stress, work, family issues, unresolved hurt. Communicate these things. Find a counselor to walk you through healing.
Pray for each other and your marriage. Praying together out loud has the amazing ability to draw you closer not just to God, but to each other. Pray specifically about your feelings and ask God to renew your heart.
God answered my prayer. It was worth living through the long, cold winter to see a new, refreshed spring in our marriage. I know now this doesn’t mean our marriage won’t ever go through hard seasons again.
But next time, I’ll have my coat, scarf, and mittens ready!
The good stuff: Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him. (James 1:12)
Action points: If you feel you’ve lost all feelings for your spouse, find a trusted friend (of the same sex as you), pastor, or counselor to open up to. After praying, approach your spouse about what is going on inside of you. And fully express your desire to change it.
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