Marriage in Heaven

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Today is my and Susan’s 41st wedding anniversary. I cannot begin to express to you the depth of my love for her or how privileged I feel to be her husband. Over those 41 years, we have given birth to four children as well as a church. The children have given us 16 grandchildren; the church has given us thousands upon thousands of spiritual offspring.

We are blessed.

I went through a season where the thought of Heaven saddened me, and it was because of Susan. I knew that in Heaven, there is no marriage (Mt. 22:30). This means earthly marriage is a temporary institution that ends at death. Further, I felt toward my wife what John Wesley once quipped about George Whitefield.

If you aren’t familiar with that story, Wesley and Whitefield were old college friends, having both attended Oxford. Both felt called into full-time vocational ministry, and the same one at that—to travel and speak evangelistically through large, outdoor gatherings. Early on, their ministries ran on parallel tracks, with both enjoying wide acclaim. In fact, it was Whitefield who encouraged Wesley to begin his famed outdoor preaching.

But they soon grew apart theologically. Wesley with his Arminianism, and Whitefield as a Calvinist. But they remained friends. Warm. Supportive. Even though they disagreed with each other profoundly.

Upon the death of Whitefield, Wesley was asked if he expected to see his old friend in Heaven. The person asking the question expected Wesley to make a snide remark, or to reveal division, or to throw a stone at Whitefield’s Calvinism. Wesley’s reply took the reporter by surprise.

“No, [I won’t see him in Heaven]... he’ll be so near the throne of God that men like me will never even get a glimpse of him!”

Wesley meant that in good spirit.

I would say that of my wife in earnest belief.

And the thought of that kind of separation saddened me greatly.

But then it became clear to me that it is too abrupt to simply say there will be no marriage in Heaven, as there are two other realities that can also be held in a firm grasp due to the biblical witness.

First, that the two of us have been made one (Gen. 2:24; Eph. 5:31). Marriage is a mystical union performed by God Himself. There is nothing else like it, and its only counterpart is our marriage with Jesus. In fact, the entire idea of marriage being a temporary institution that ends at death is due to it being fulfilled in a greater, eternal union with God.

Second, while there may not be marriage in Heaven, there is both recognition and relationship (Lk. 16:19-31). The Bible says that in Heaven there will be reunion (1 Thess. 4:17). We will know people, be reunited with people, and have the love of Christ perfected between us.

So, what does that mean for those who are not only in Christ, but who were also made one with each other in Christ through marriage? Beyond the fact that we will not marry or be given in marriage, no one knows.

But there is much that can be suggested.

The love that was formed and forged in this life will not be lost. There is nothing in the biblical witness that earthly relationships will be forgotten or purged.

That love that did exist on Earth will be consumed by a higher love. It will be transformed and perfected.

Marriage itself was/is a foreshadowing of the relationship between Christ and His Church.

As a result, marriages on Earth will undoubtedly be valued and recognized. We will know and love our spouses, and that love will be honored. The nature of that love, however, will go “higher up and deeper in” in light of Heaven and eternity.

Susan will undoubtedly be nearer the throne than I will.... but I will see her. And she will see me. And it will undoubtedly be a gaze that only the two of us will be able to share.

And in our perfected state, that gaze will be more than enough. It will be the most profound love we will have ever shared.

So happy anniversary, sweetheart.

Forty-one years going on…

... eternity.

James Emery White

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James Emery White is the founding and senior pastor of Mecklenburg Community Church in Charlotte, NC, and a former professor of theology and culture at Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary, where he also served as their fourth president. His latest book, Hybrid Church: Rethinking the Church for a Post-Christian Digital Age, is now available on Amazon or from your favorite bookseller. To enjoy a free subscription to the Church & Culture blog, visit churchandculture.org where you can view past blogs in our archive, read the latest church and culture news from around the world, and listen to the Church & Culture Podcast. Follow Dr. White on X, Facebook and Instagram at @JamesEmeryWhite.